Beautifully Damaged Minds
by Abominatrix
Summary: Castiel Novak had been Stanford University's top psychiatrist for a little over a year. Between him and three others he was chosen to take on the worst case they'd ever seen. Sam Winchester. Sastiel AU. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Castiel sat behind the desk in his large office, revising the notes he had been given regarding a student of SU. His eyes flickered across the words on the cream paper again and again, trying so desperately to understand. This was by far the worst case he had been presented with.

He placed the papers in front of him and pressed the red button on his intercom, signally that he was ready to meet this student.

In walked Sam Winchester. An average looking 18 year old with a less than average home life. Sam sat down on the leather seat to the left of Castiel's desk. He shifted uncomfortably for a minute or two, only relaxing when Castiel gave him a warm smile.

"Hello, Sam. I'm Dr. Novak." He said softly, extending his hand. He frowned when Sam's instant reaction was to flinch instead of shaking it. When Sam finally shook it he returned to smiling again. "You can call me Castiel if you'd prefer." He continued. "How are you feeling today?"

Sam did nothing but shrug, looking down at his hands and picking at his nails. Castiel sighed, he wanted to help this kid already.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you've been sent to see me." Castiel voice was soft, trying his best to make Sam feel comfortable. "It seems people are worried about you."

"No one is worried about me." Sam whispered.

"Is that what you believe?"

"It's what I know."

"And how do you know this?"

"Because no one is ever worried about me. I'm sorry but this is a waste of your time." Sam stood from the chair.

"Sam. I'm not going to stop you from leaving but I'm not going to let you lie to yourself either. At least one person cares about you and they're just trying to help. Would you please sit back down?"

Sam just stood there for the longest time, looking at his sneakers which all of a sudden became very interesting. Eventually but slowly he took a seat and looked up at Castiel.

"You care?" He asked sheepishly, while his fingers played with the hem of his worn out hoodie. Castiel smiled once again.

"I do." He said with a nod. "I don't want to push anything for our first session together but I'd like to know more about you."

"Don't you have, like, notes or something." Sam shrugged.

"Correct but they are only a outline, they're very vague. I'd like to know more about you from your perspective. How you perceive yourself. How you think you come across to other people."

"I hate myself."

Those words killed him there and then. No person, no matter who they are, should ever feel like saying those words out loud. He wanted to reach out and hug the boy when those three heartbreaking words fell from his lips but he stayed professional and continued with the session.

"Why do you hate yourself, Sam?" He asked, knowing full well he'd hate the answer.

"I'm a freak. My family are horrible to me. My brother hates me and my dad beats me. Why do you think?" Sam raised his voice a little. "Everyone either ignores me or I get beaten up because of my clothes and the way I look. I try to stay focused on my studies but everything just over clouds it." Sam choked back a tear and bit his lip.

Castiel was honestly taken back by Sam's admission. Even though the notes had stated everything Sam had just told him, it still hurt him and made his heart ache as if someone had it in a vice. He pushed a box of tissues across the desk towards Sam's direction and sighed.

"Can you tell me why your brother hates you?"

Sam wiped his cheeks free of tears and looked up at Castiel through watery eyes.

"This stays between you and I?" He asked.

"Of course." Castiel nodded, smiling slightly.

"He's always out of his face on drugs. He'd go missing for days at a time and when he returned he always had a different chick hanging off of his arm. The real slutty kind, you know?"

Castiel continued to nod, letting Sam know that he was listening.

"One day it was all too much, between the nights I'd stay up looking after him when he blacked out and the nights where I'd hear nothing but fake moaning and squeaking springs, I decided I had to leave. He saw me packing my things one night and fuelled from another day of binging, he tried to stop me. Threw me against a wall, hit me until my face was bleeding and I was begging him to stop. He told me that if I left he'd hate me for the rest of his life and disown me." Sam wiped his face again, tears now flowing freely. "That was six months ago. We haven't spoken since."

Castiel let out the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding in.

"Does your brother have a name?" He asked.

"Dean" Sam said simply.

"And does Dean know where you are now?"

"Probably not. I did put a call in to my uncle Bobby. Told him to let Dean know that I'm okay."

"Do you think Bobby told him?"

"Most definitely. It just depends on whether Dean was too fucked out of his head to even listen." Sam looked at Castiel and frowned. "Sorry for swearing." He muttered.

"No. It's okay. No need to apologize. If you feel like you need to swear to express your emotion then go ahead and do it. I'm not here to judge. I'm here to help." Castiel smiled. "Do you still see Bobby?"

"I visit him every Thanks Giving and most term holidays."

"What's your relationship like with him?"

"It's good, I guess. He's more of a dad to me than my own father."

"So there is someone that cares about you?" Castiel could help but smirk a little.

"I guess so" Sam sighed, feeling a little defeated.

"Where does Bobby live?""South Dakota."

"That's a fair distance to travel. How do you get there?"

"Fly." He said shrugging. "He picks me up from the airport."

"Does you father ever visit his brother while your there?"

"Oh, Bobby isn't my dad's brother."

"I thought you said he's your uncle."

"Not by blood. But family don't end with blood, though, right?"

"Right." Castiel beamed.

"And in answer to your question. No. Bobby keeps him away from me."

"Okay." Castiel looked at his wristwatch and sighed. He looked up at Sam and smiled softly. "It seems like we have run out of time and as much as I would love to keep going with this right now, I don't want you to be late for any classes." He stood from the desk and walked around to Sam. "Would you be willing to come back for more sessions? I have an opening on Friday in the afternoon."

"I don't know…"

"Think it over. Here's my number, call me with your decision." He handed Sam his card with a smile. "It was nice to meet you, Sam."

"Yeah, you too."

And with that, Sam was gone. Out of the door quicker than you can say spaghetti.

Castiel flicked the lock shut on the door and sat on the edge of his desk. He scratched at his already forming stubble and sighed. He didn't usually get this attached to his clients, but there was something about Sam that he just couldn't put his finger on. He'd fight tooth and nail right about now to help this damaged human and he hoped with all he had that Sam would let him.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam couldn't have gotten out of there quicker. Well, he could have just walked out and he was going too if his psychiatrist wasn't completely fucking attractive. When he sat back down in the chair and continued to speak with him, he was kicking himself more and more for opening up. He'd never spoken about his family life to anyone but Bobby before and this was all too new for him but for some reason he felt like he could talk to Castiel.

Walking down the corridor on the way back to his dorm room, Sam couldn't stop thinking about Castiel. From his messy dark hair to the suit jacket that hung from his shoulders. Sam was thinking about it all. Sure, he'd seen him around in the 5 months that he's been attending SU and sure, he thought he was pretty good looking but he never really had a reason to see him this close, not until now anyway.

He was so caught up with thinking about Castiel that when he rounded the corner he walked straight into the one person he'd been trying to avoid. Alistair. You see, Alistair didn't like Sam, not one bit. He took a instant dislike to him when he first saw him move into the dorm room across the hall from his.

"Watch where you're going, Winchester." Alistair growled.

"Sorry" Sam whispered, trying to get passed him.

"Did you have a nice time with the quack, you freak?"

"Leave me alone." Sam tried to remain calm, something that wasn't easy for him to do nowadays.

"Oh c'mon, Sammy." Alistair pushed him into the wall.

"Don't call me that."

"Why not? Eh, Sammy? Why shouldn't I?"

Alistair pushed him again, sending him flying onto the floor. Sam scrambled to his feet and glared at Alistair.

"I said leave me alone." He spat. Alistair laughed in his face and threw the first punch. Hitting Sam square in the face. Sam snapped. Retaliating and venting every piece of anger into the punches.

By the time they were split up, blood had pooled on the floor, Alistair was clutching his stomach and Sam felt dizzy.

Sam ran to his room, locking the door behind him securely. When he spat a mouthful of blood out in the small sink he swore he heard the clink of a tooth hitting the basin. He splashed some water on his face, wincing when it seeped into his wounds. It wasn't until he looked at his reflection in the dirty mirror did he realise how much damage had been done.

Split lip, black eye, split eyebrow and a cut on his hairline, not to mention the bruises that stained his face.

He sighed, flopping down on his bed. There was no way he was going to go to his classes now.

He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep for a while.

_o.o.o.o.o_

Sam winced, groaning in hatred at the sunlight that streamed through the blinds. He rolled over, trying to get comfortable, but the pain in his head was too much.

He sat up slowly, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and decided to go for a shower.

He stood under the steaming water and let his imagination run wild. Biting his lip, he began sliding his hand down his chest, pinching his nipple on the way until it was a hard pink bud, he imagined that is was Castiel's hand. He imagined Castiel holding him from behind, naked, wet body pressed close and wrapping his fingers around Sam's cock and, almost teasingly, jacking him off, whispering real filthy shit in his ear while biting bruises into his shoulder and neck.

With one hand pressed against the tiles of the small shower stall and his head hung low in the warm water, Sam came hard, Castiel's name falling from his plump, bit swollen lips.

_o.o.o.o.o_

Dripping wet and dressed only in a towel, Sam was interrupted by a knock at his door. He flipped the lock and opened it slowly.

"Morning, Sam." A soft voice spoke.

"Castiel." Sam sighed, opening the door wider and letting him inside. "You doing room calls now?"

"No. Not exactly." Castiel frowned, moving into the small dorm room and finally looking Sam over. "I heard about what happened yesterday. Thought you could use these." He placed a small bottle of aspirin on the desk and smiled. "What happened?"

"Thanks, but if you don't mind. I'd quite like to finish getting ready. I have classes in a hour." He lied. He had no classes today. He just didn't trust himself right now.

"That's fine." Castiel walked out of the door, stopping to look at Sam. "If you have time, swing by my office this afternoon and we'll talk there."

"I'll see what I can do." Sam closed the door in Castiel's face. He leaned his back against it and sighed. He wanted to act on his feelings. Open the door, chase Castiel down and kiss him hard. But he didn't. Instead he took two painkillers, got dressed and avoided everyone. Locking himself away in his dorm room and studying as much as he could for the rest of the morning.

Afternoon rolled around. Sam was still in pain but had got in a reasonable amount of studying. He locked the door of his room behind him and started down the corridor towards his destination, ignoring the dirty looks of passers-by. Stopping at the door of Dr. Novak's office, he took a deep breath and knocked quietly.

"Come in." Castiel spoke from inside.

Slowly, Sam pushed the door open and entered the room. He closed the door and moved towards the chair, sitting and sighing.

"Hello, Sam. Glad you could make it. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay." A smile tugged at his lips when he looked up at Castiel. "I mean, I'm still a little sore."

"Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"I was walking back to my dorm from here and I bumped into someone who doesn't like me all that much."

"Alistair?"

"Yeah." Sam nodded. "He started pushing me around and even though I apologised, he just wouldn't stop. I snapped."

"I heard he threw the first punch. It that true?"

Sam nodded again and fell silent, folding his arms on the desk and laying his head on them. He heard Castiel shift in his seat and soon there was a warm hand resting on his shoulder. When he looked up, Castiel was leaning on the edge of his desk, right next to him, and smiling softly.

Sam swallowed thickly, his eyes growing wide. He cleared his throat after a few moments.

"Do you know if he's okay?" Sam croaked out.

"I've heard he has a black eye. Nothing more. It seems that you, unfortunately, have come away with the most damage." Sam felt the hand on his shoulder squeeze gently as Castiel spoke.

"Oh."

Castiel smiled again, returning to sit behind his desk. In all honesty, Sam already missed the contact. His skin growing cold where Castiel's hand had been sitting.

"How did your classes go today?"

"I-" Shit. Sam panicked. "-I…I didn't have any classes. I lied."

"Why did you feel the need to lie about something like that?"

'Because I wanted to fuck you right there and then and I was worried about being rejected' He shook his head and pushed that thought aside. "I don't know. It was better than admitting that I'd be on my own all day, I guess."

"There is nothing wrong with being on your own. Did you get anything productive done?"

"I studied."

"Good. Okay, I think we're done here for today. I really just wanted to check and make sure you were okay. It seems you are." Castiel got up and walked over to the door. "Have you thought about having the session tomorrow afternoon?"

Sam stood and walked over to Castiel.

"Yeah. I have. And if you'll have me, I'll be here."

"Excellent news." Castiel smiled widely.

Sam nodded, a small genuine smile washing over his face. He took a deep breath and did something he might end up regretting.


	3. Chapter 3

Every word that Castiel had ever known fled from his mind. Sam was kissing him and he was kissing back. He pushed the young boy against the back of the door and pinned him there. Animal instincts were running this show, nothing else.

Castiel kissed and bit Sam's long neck, sucking bruises into the tanned flesh, bruises that meant something more than a scrap with a classmate. He pressed his hips against Sam's, rolling them together, collecting sweet friction.

"Shit, Cas" Sam groaned, feeling his cock swell and his spine tingle.

And that's all Castiel needed. He dropped to his knees, swift fingers undoing Sam's jeans and pulling out his cock. He gave the head a tentative lick, almost teasingly, before taking him all the way to the back of his throat. He bobbed his head, taking him in further and further down his throat and humming around him when his lips were at the base.

He looked up at Sam when his fingers twined in Castiel's hair and smirked around his cock, he knew the boy was already close. He pulled back up along the shaft, a slight drag of teeth here and there and after a swirl of his tongue around the head, Sam was coming hard and fast over Castiel's chin, lips and down the back of his throat. Sam's knees felt weak and his head spun from the powerful orgasm that wracked his body.

Swallowing Sam's come down and tucking him back in, it suddenly dawned on Castiel what he had just done. He stood and stepped back, horrified with himself that he ever let it happen.

"I'm sorry. Shit, I'm sorry." He spoke, quietly, as if he didn't want to be saying it at all.

"It's fine." Sam stepped towards him, holding onto his arm, only to be shrugged off.

"No. It's not. That shouldn't have happened at all. I'm your therapist. I shouldn't have done that." He explained. "I'm sorry."

Castiel took a seat behind his desk, trying to get away from Sam and cleaned his chin with some tissue.

"I…I've gotta go." Sam said, running out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

Castiel watched as the door wobbled on its hinges. He felt terrible. So fucking terrible. Mainly because he had very much enjoyed what he did to Sam. He enjoyed sucking his cock until he came over his face, Enjoyed the sounds he made when he toppled over the edge. Loved the way his hips bucked forward, thrusting deeper and deeper down his throat. And now he regretted ever letting him walk out. He'd probably fucked up his chances to help the boy now and that killed him on the inside.

He packed up his laptop and case papers into his bag and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. He wanted to go home and quite frankly didn't want to return tomorrow. Setting off down the corridors and towards the exit of the building and ignoring questions from students and teachers, he wanted to get to his car as quick as possible.

After chucking his things into the trunk, he climbed into the drivers seat but didn't put his keys in the ignition. Instead he hit the steering wheel with both hands and practically broke down.

'You're a fucking idiot, Castiel' He muttered to himself.

x-x-x-x-x

Slamming the door to his dorm room once he was inside, Sam screamed in frustration. He threw his bag against the wall, the contents spilling across the floor.

'Way to go, Sam. Really screwed this one up didn't ya' He shouted, looking at his reflection and that's when he punched it. Shards of glass flew across the room, some imbedded in his hand, making him smile widely. 'You deserve it' he told himself. 'You deserve the pain. You don't deserve love.'

His mind was racing, everything bad came flooding in all at once. Every night he spent with Dean, rubbing his brothers back while he was near on puking blood. The nights he spent cowered in a corner, scared that the next punch he received from his father would be the one that ends it all.

Sam screamed and pulled a shard from his hand only to ram it into his thigh, three or four times before collapsing onto his bed, crying and on the verge of passing out.

x-x-x-x-x

Castiel got out of his car, locked it behind him and walked as fast but as calmly as he could towards Sam's dorm room.

He pressed his ear up against the door, trying to hear for any signs of life. When he heard Sam crying he quietly knocked on the door.

"Sam. Open up. It's me."

"FUCK OFF!"

"You know I'm not going to do that." He frowned, shaking his head.

"You're the one that did this!"

He heard Sam repeat himself a couple more times before he stopped talking altogether. Castiel knocked again, louder this time.

"Sam?" He called. "Sam, open this door."

But he got no answer. Scared for the young students life, Castiel did what was necessary. Thanking God that no one was around, he shunted the door with his shoulder. It didn't budge. He stood back a little and, with a growl, rammed the door with his shoulder again. It still didn't budge.

He frowned, hitting the door with his hands.

"Sam, c'mon." He pleaded.

The lock clicked and the door opened slowly. Castiel immediately rushed inside only to stop dead in his tracks. There, in the middle of the room, stood Sam. Bleeding from head to toe and sobbing.

"I'm sorry." Castiel heard him whisper.

"No. No. This isn't your fault. Stay with me, come on." Castiel went over to him and cradled him in his arms as he called for a ambulance.

"I'm sorry." Sam whispered again as his eyes fluttered closed.

Castiel stroked his hair, trying to soothe him in anyway possible.

By the time the ambulance arrived, a large crowd had formed. Sam was carried out into the vehicle on a stretcher. Castiel by his side every step of the way.

"Are you a family member?" A medic questioned him.

"No. He doesn't have any family close by. You have to let me come with him. Please, I'm all he has. Please."

"Fine. Get in."

Castiel climbed into the back of the ambulance and held onto Sam's hand. Even though Sam was completely unconscious, Castiel continued whispering to him.

x-x-x-x-x

Castiel sat beside the bed, watching him like a hawk, waiting for him to wake up. He'd lost a lot of blood and was wired up to machines. Castiel swore he wasn't going to leave his side.

"Sam, you gotta wake up. Please. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is my fault and I know it, but you have to wake up."


	4. Chapter 4

Everything was quiet when Sam finally came around. There was a small flickering glow from the TV on the wall but no sound. He groaned, trying to sit up but failing to do so. He looked to his left and frowned. Castiel was asleep in the chair next to him, looking incredibly uncomfortable. He cleared his throat, trying to muster up the strength to talk.

"Castiel.." He spoke quietly. Castiel eyes flickered open and looked up at him.

"Sam! You're awake. Jesus, I thought you were never going to wake up."

"What are you doing here?"

"I…didn't want you to be on your own."

"How long have I been out for?"

"Three days.."

"You've been here the whole time?"

"In and out. I went home every afternoon and showered then came back every evening with dinner in case you had woken up."

"You shouldn't be here. You…just shouldn't be here. Please leave."

"Sam.."

"You shouldn't be here." Sam repeated, looking away from Castiel and staring blankly at the TV.

Castiel nodded and stood from the chair.

"I'll let a doctor know you're awake before I go." He said quietly. "I'll be back later."

"Don't bother." Sam said simply, fixing Cas with a glare. "Like I said, you shouldn't be here."

Again, Castiel nodded. Sam watched as he crossed the room and opened the door, he watched him walk out with the most pitiful look on his face and that honestly broke Sam's heart, even though he didn't show it. Not until the door shut behind him, that is. Sam pulled his knees up to his chest, disregarding the pain his body was in and sobbed. He couldn't stop himself. He wasn't mad at Cas, he was mad at himself, so very mad at himself. Hell, what reason did he have to be angry at Cas for, really? Sam was the one that instigated the kiss, sure, Cas had taken it a step further and was the one to say that it shouldn't have happened but all this was Sam's fault. Sam was the one that cut himself, punished himself for doing what he did, but that's the only way he knew how to cope.

'Pathetic really' he thought to himself.

x-x-x-x-x

Castiel made it home within a hour. The first thing he did was make a start on some homemade soup and once he had it simmering on the stove he went for a shower, changed his clothes and made a phone call to the University explaining that he would need a further two days off. They were incredibly understanding about him having time off in the first place, especially when he spun a web of lies and said that he was needed because of a family emergency. They granted him as much time off as he needed, telling him that they'd get a stand in therapist for his clients. It wasn't ideal but he need to stay with Sam. He felt so guilty, he'd done this to him and that haunted him every time he closed his eyes.

Castiel pour the soup into a container, grabbed a spoon and put both items into a bag before collecting his phone and car keys from the counter and walking out the door. He made his way back to the hospital, even if Sam said he shouldn't be there, he couldn't stay away. He had to talk to him, tell him how he really felt about this.

A nurse buzzed him into the building, greeting him kindly.

"Back again? This boy must mean a lot to you." She commented.

'Like you wouldn't believe' he thought. "I'm all he has…" He said finally. He brushed off whatever she had left to say and walked back to Sam's room. He knocked gently, but didn't wait for an answer before walking into the room.

"Why are you here?" Sam aid, quietly as he lifted his head off the pillow to look at him.

"I bought you some soup. Made it myself. It's gotta be better than hospital food."

"I'm not hungry."

"That's fine. I can take it to the cafeteria to get it warmed up when you are."

"Why are you here, Castiel? Why?"

Castiel walked over to the bed, pulling a chair with him and sitting by his side once again.

"I want to look after you while you get better, Sam. I can't deal with the fact that this is all my fault. I need to make myself useful and help you."

"Yeah, well, I don't need you help."  
"This isn't up for a debate. I'm not leaving. Why do you think I came to your dorm room that day? Why do you think I stayed with you while you were out cold? Why do you think that I'm going to do this?" And with that, Castiel stood and leaned over, capturing Sam's lips with his in a sweet, soft kiss. But it was over far too quickly when Sam pushed him away.

"No. Cas. Don't do this, don't mess with my head." He pleaded.

"I'm not. No messing. I'm not gonna do that to you. I couldn't do that to you." Castiel laid his hand on Sam's, smiling softly when he didn't pull away. "I'm going to be completely honest with you, right now, Sam. The first day you walked into my office, I just thought you were another fucked up kid that needed help, but as soon as you opened your mouth, I knew you were so much more than that. I knew you needed help, but I knew you needed company and to be taken care of."

"So you feel SORRY for me?"

"No. No, that's not what I'm saying." Castiel swallowed hard and licked his suddenly dry lips. "What I'm saying is…I fell for you, Sam. It's crazy because we can't be together and that kills me. What you did to yourself because of ME, kills me."

"…It wasn't your fault." Sam said quietly, looking down at his lap. "You…did nothing wrong."

"No." Cas shook his head, gripping Sam's hand tighter. "I pushed you away when you needed me the most. I freaked out and acted like a complete dick."

"There's no denying that.." Sam breathed, laughing a little.

"Exactly." Castiel raised his free hand and brushed some of Sam's hair away from his face. "I like you a lot, Sam. I don't care how much a child I sound like right now. I want us to try, make a go at what we could have. If you want to that is?"

"You said yourself we can't, Cas. You're giving me mixed signals here. I'm so confused."

Castiel sighed and bit his lip. He looked at Sam and smiled. "Maybe this will clear things up." He said, leaning forward and kissing Sam again, this time slightly harder. He twined his fingers into the young mans hair and deepened the kiss when he realised Sam wasn't pulling away. Sam cupped Cas' cheeks with his hands, keeping him from moving too far away when they did eventually break apart for some much needed air.

"Tell me this is real. Tell me you're not just screwing with my head for kicks." He said, pressing their foreheads together and nipping at Cas' bottom lip.

"This is real, Sam. I would never hurt you like that. Never."

"How…are we going to do this, Cas? We're not going to be able to do anything around Uni. I…" Castiel cut him off with a quick kiss.

"We will sort something out, Sam. I promise. But I need you to do me one thing…"

"Name it."

"Continue to let me be your therapist. I want to help you more than anything and I need you to open up to me so I'm able to do that."

"That's fine with me."

Castiel smiled, taking a seat on the edge of the bed only to be pulled onto it completely by Sam once room has been made.

"We will be okay. You an I. It may be difficult but I'll be there every step of the way, Sam. I promise."

"I know.."

Sam leaned his head against Cas' shoulder and let his eyes fall closed. Finally he felt the weight of the world leave him and he was happier than he had ever been.

But it was soon to be short lived…


End file.
